Things I want to say out loud
Things I want to scream about.
So much to yell
World, no less than a hell🚬
(Musical illustration to my painting)
Things I want to say out loud
Things I want to scream about.
So much to yell
World, no less than a hell🚬
(Musical illustration to my painting)
She want someone,
Who rushes to save her.
Whenever she cries out loud.
To run towards her screaming
And to hear her heart’s shout.
She want someone, to listen to her helplessness.
Listen to her sad days.
Madness surrounds her entire soul
And the wild soul strays.
She want to let the sky open under her feet.
Deep down, layer by layer–
revealing what’s inside of her heart’s darkest sheets.
She want to give her weakness to one who helps.
By crying out loud,
And let her heart and soul yelps.
She want to cry out,
She never wanted to be stolid and silent with her pain.
All the circumstances in her life matters, whether good or bad–
This what makes her heart beautifully stained.
She wants the milk of love flow–
into the streams of her wild heart.
Unfortunately, people always took her as a real tart__
Which makes her life story more complicated,
But she let it be.
Each and every part.
She want to be patient,
Respond to every call that excites her spirit.
She want to ignore those shits
that make her fearful and sad.
That degrade her
Back towards disease and death.
Two years and a half,
God knows, in this time span
How much we’ve talked, we’ve cried and laughed.😄
Perhaps we both are always so desperate to be understood by each other.
That sometimes, I wonder
Its definitely you, my friend— no other.😊
Every time, you make it so clear that both of us, on some level belong together.🤝
As lovers, or as friends—or as family or as something entirely different.
Thank you for being the reason I smile.
Perhaps, before you—
I was a heart and a beat; completely broken, sterile.🙃🚬
Dearest, you speak in such a way that I love to listen to you,👂
Maybe because my heart wanted to.
And you listen in such a way that I love to speak to you.😇
Whenever I feel downhearted,
You are the craziest thing—😈
Lights up my heart’s darkest room.
And many a times
I wonder, really, you are with me—
I prefer being alone,
And gaze at my doom.🤔
Everyday, I see your picture
You and your face—
Literally works as a fixture.🤠
Happiness and lightheartedness enters from nowhere, into the streams of my heart.
Already helping me in a fresh new start.👻
Almost everyday, I hear your voice,
Enhancing the inner feeling—
That our time together
is just never quite enough.😈
No matter how much hurdles and hardships works up together and makes it tough.😐
Ever gone through our infinite chats?👓
I wonder why the fuck you topped my list of data usage of watsapp.🔝
Dear you, You may be miles away
But you’re still the very first thing—
Lights up my day.🎶
Its not my imagination, that holds you in
Actually a forever reality,
A feeling like a heaven’s air
And I know, Im not committing a sin.⏸
I don’t know when or how you crept slowly into my heart—in to my life,▶️
But I do know
Staying same, supporting me, standing by my side—
Every time, you strived.🔁
And I know you’re everywhere,
In every hour of my day.
In a second or two
A thought of you,
Is all, that comes my way.🖤
I don’t know how or why, but I miss you.
I miss you all of the time—
Love, forever joyance takes some time.
Its okay, if its said to be a crime.🔒🔓
My heart got attached with yours—
In entirely different ways.
With one another beautiful feeling, almost all days.📝
I don’t know how, when or why,
But I do know it helps me—
In realising what I really am,🆓
Your shadow works as a red beat of my black heart—🖤❗️
Strengthening me in flying high.
Some times, I wonder.
Who are you, the way you really cares.
Little things between you and me—
You’re miles apart,
Still got all of my heart,😇
With a damned up feeling—you’re near.
You and your presence is like happiness to me,
With you, I really don’t know why the fuck I forgets—
To drop even a single tear.🙂
You, you are my good days—
For the rest of my life I want to stare.👀
You’re by my side,
Its like a life to an unborn flower—🥀
Couldn’t even think of loosing you,
Thats my worst fear.🔚
Dearest, how same we are—
Mixed with the unconditioned love,
Like a nicotine tar.🚬
Our things and thinking is way much same—
As if warmth of the sun like a fire in the flame.🔥
You are the slightest light,
Protecting me—in my darkest days.🌘
When everything leaves, you stays.
I will be with you,
Every time, you says.
As if you are a hidden joy of life—
Shining upon me, as cold-sun rays.🌦
Considerably, you’re a gift, from God—
You really are.
Shining for me, in the blackout of dark,
Like a star.💫
We’ve never met.
But have a bucket list to do.
I wish all the dreams, imagination and the priorities related to you— comes true.🌈
Because I wanted things to get done—
Same as you.
You are both,
The sunrise and sunset of my heart.🌝🌚
The mornings with you helps me in a fresh new start.
But all of above, the night spend with you is the spectacular part.😄
My heart do likes you.
And I know your heart likes me too.
For I wish we both stay same.
Like the very first day of my life,
I damn care about who you are.
What you do.
But I really am concerned about little things
Between me and you.📝
Remember, no matter what—
I’ll always stand by your side🧙🏻♀️
With an open arms,🤗
Waiting to surround yours-
If you ever wanted to hide.
I wish all the best comes your way.
May you be good, successful and satisfied—
With your life, I pray.🤲
I thank God,
For this beautiful colour of my heart as you—
He allotted to me.😇
Smiles scatters on my face,
You are one beautiful thing—
Which makes me and you as we.🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♂️=👫
Off the road__
The wild sea, the melted silver gold,
this is where she belongs__never thought she could find such breathtaking place,
A place to face, she let her heart gaze.
It was just the starting, the very left side.
to spend some quality time and let her tears of happiness hide.
Some people start up together but never end up with the same thing.
Maybe they’re afraid to go out wild, and never wanted their hearts to sing.
What she figured out was, this is not just the path,
Maybe a route to some extraordinary shits.
Yeah! Which directly or indirectly into our mind hits. #crazy_route
The moment she realised,
she just not have to capture moments only by her eyes, she have to let her heart feel.
Was the point her soul smiled back to her, and helped her scars heel.
#canyouseethat (the light on the sea)
After an unstoppable start,
She found some thing to look at.
Stairs to the other life,
She started taking steps
As not only the soul but her heart wanted to dive.
There was something in that melted silver gold.
She couldn’t resist—feeling, her heart wanted to hold.
Sudden changes in the heartbeat took place, she started getting cold.
This is the place she should’ve visited before. Fuck! Why this shit has never been told.
Can you see? Can you really feel the pain.
Well this will be the question asked by your heart,
after the feeling of that fucking happiness, you’ll gain.
You have to try this shit,
In order to attain the happiness,
And let your heart think a bit.
Ah! Long way.
All because hard work, interests, believes, things PAY.
The very first time we interacted and the same group we were into.
Ppt was the thing we got a topic to discuss about,
That time I didn’t knew,
You would be part of my journey too🚬
Youtube links were the some good things.
You shared with me,
I loved them and asked you to send me more.🤓
Well that was the very first time,
Someone asked me to behave first,
I got confused and frustrated that very moment,
And thought about,
Why any of my mate didn’t asked me to do this before.☺️
Tho, I was aware of your work
And that night, you shared another masterpiece of yours.
It was more than good,
I said to myself ‘wow’🚬
Thought popped up in my mind that this is the man,
From whom I can learn certain things about,
God knows… how!🧐
Days passed by, we interacted too,
Never thought of that
Things we talked about,
Would even bother us, me or you😊
One of my very close and attached thing, hurt me the most.
You came to me, asked me, tried to cheer me up.
My sports was the story, you were the very first person got to know about,
I cried in-front of you.
Now I would like to tell you…
That was the real feeling, I never imposed.🙂
I never thanked you.
Instead I always smiled.
And this was the thing,
I asked you to do
Whenever you were supposed to thanked me too.😅
Many a times, my watsapp statuses were the topic we usually got to talk about,
It was not anything else,
But my heart shouted out loud🚬
Ever thought of that?
Why I even posted them;
I never imposed.
But in real, I tried to talk to
I tried to explain,
Sad it is… my heart is the only thing now,
I could claim🙂🚬
With the flow of life,
We got a group too.
Small and precise, along with our best mate🐯
How could I not pen down memories about her,
As we already got them few😇
The very first time,
You’ve hurt me the most…🔥
Was our conversation about life,
I was talking about my perspective,
Never thought your reaction could make my mouth shut,
And my heart would become a coast🌊
You got to know about one of my favourite to-do.
While chatting and face to face interacting…
You started offering me,
As if you gonna make it true😇
I always wanted to pull your ears,
And i know you never wanted this.
You got frustrated every time and asked me
To stay away.☺️
For these little things never meant anything to you,
But more than memories to me,😻⚓️
As I always wanted that if you chose to leave,
Your memories do stay😇🚬
I nicknamed you and I really don’t know why.😇
Maybe, I find some of my things as same as yours,
Your level of frustration; at times were high.
I wonder why,
That never made me cry🙂
One of the best memory of ours include,
Calling out your nickname loud.
And in return, you nicknamed same to me,😻
I really don’t know why not only me,
But my heart smiled too.
And what was the point of that moment,
Why I just let it be.⚓️
26th October’17 … the very first time
You asked me, How was your day.🚬
Trust me, never have I shared anything, a single pain or a moment of happiness with you.
If my heart knew that … these are the happy moments
I’ll be asked to pay.😅
Happiness never mattered to you,
You told me once.
This thing hit me hard, deep down.💔
Honestly, I’ve prayed for you,
That may all the good moments and happiness comes all your way and surrounds.🌀
A good thing you shared once,
‘Be patient for what was written for you was written by the greatest of writers’📝
Trust me or not,
Your shared piece, strengthened me
As if I was ready to face sadness, like fighters⚔️
28th October’17 .. The very first time,
I clicked a picture of yours—
And you were unaware of that.
When I shared that picture of yours with you,😁
Remember, you got frustrated and asked me ..
Why? This was not you were supposed to do.
With the passage of time;
You were used to it.😸
I know clicking your picture like this,
For making some good memories—
Was no less than a shit.💩
You were on a kind of escape,
You shared some memories with me.
You talked to me all the way.
Deep down, I felt Im not at my place—but Im with you😅
Enjoying our escape, never thought of that,
This would happened too.⚓️
The video clip you shared, along with the morning greeting😁
It was one of my best morning and forced me to think…
How good someone’s treating⚓️
You were smoking
And shared a picture of yours,🙂
you asked me to join
As if, you gonna make this very moment happened, for sure😊
Once, I asked, how are you?
You told me, more than bad, how about you?☺️
That time, my heart didn’t believed what you said,
Now I got to know why you say such things about yourself, my bad🙂
There wasn’t any point of sharing deep things with you.😅
Once I tried to talk to the reality,
Why you’d asked me or why I’d shared
Now I realised, it was a rainbow of life without a hue😅
4th nov’17…the second time I saw you in my dream.🚬
It was more than bad,
I wish I could tell every part of it before, to you.
But I didn’t,
And tried to find the meaning of what I’ve seen.
I was sad and my heart literally screamed,
Still, I beamed😊
On some point, you said,
Its easy to play with you, sorry to say.😄
Perhaps, that was the time, I didn’t got what you said.
Now, I admit that,
After what you did to my feelings.
Making me realise…
There comes a time
Even for the sincerity, you’ll have to pay💔
9th nov’17 … the very first time you shared some deep kind of shit, disturbing you, deep down🚬
And the very first time, I tried to help you in understanding …
It is the type of shit, which revolves around.🌀
10th nov’17…The day when you first time thanked me, for listening to you.😊
And I got frustrated, for little things means a lot to me… This was not you were actually .. supposed to do🚬
And then I told you, you can come to me,
You can share what you want to;
I will always listen to you…⚓️
Like the way I did,
Because not only me,
But my heart wanted this too😇
Have I ever shared; How I’m doin’— by myself,
Didn’t you asked me, about my health by yourself?🙂
14th nov’17 … first time you asked and after a while, first time I shared☺️
Now I don’t understand, what was the point,
Did you really cared?😅
16th Nov’17 … Third time, I saw a dream about you😇
Making it very difficult for me to understand;
Unbearable, unstoppable and thoughtful too.😖
16th Nov’17 … The very first time you clicked pictures of mine and I was unaware of that too☺️
When you shared those pictures, with me;
I still remember, how I giggled and laughed that night,
I didn’t reacted, same as you😇
On some point, I strongly felt, perhaps I’ve hurt you.
On your reaction,
I confessed that okay;
Will take care from now onwards,
And will think before I speak🤭
Remember what you said in return,
That no need to do this,
Talk to me as you always do,
I already have many people in life,
They do this like a freak😁
20th nov’17…The day when I shared worst part of my life with you,🙂
Remember, how we talked about game of life,
Trust and expectations too😄
Now I wonder if all this thing was a part of great lies—💔
Dear, answer me,
Why didn’t you realise?🙂
22nd nov’17… the day when we fought crazily after your cell.😁
I really wanted to kill you that time,
But the way you fought with me,
Seemed, as if Im gonna take your thing away from you and sell🤩
The very same day,
You took away a thing close to my heart.⚓️
Let me tell you, in return—
For me, Your demand was extraordinarily hard☺️
But I tried to explain,
It is some temporary pain🚬
Your friend will give your love back to you,🖤
He’s the man who can’t see things disturbing me,
I knew this too.😄
23rd nov’17… and once again, we were one group, for the act.📝
I was always good with you
And our best mate,
Well, actually this was the fact😀
25th nov’17… The very first time
I talked to you, when I was sleepy💤
Remember, what we talked about, that night.
Agreed, I sounded more than creepy😁
29th nov’17…The day when you confessed,
Who am I to you.😇
Just a person from a small group of people,
You could easily talk to. Phew😊🚬
7866 were the number of text messages,
When I first shared, the screenshot of our chat data usage of watsapp.❎
It was just the beginning,
Which meant a lot to me.
Now I would say,
Perhaps, It was a part of some deep crap❌
Im sorry again ..🙂 I am unable to complete what I’ve started dear…
Nowadays my heart is a bit broken..
Rereading your chats and imagining your memories are literally killing me ..
This could really happen never thought of that BEAR⚓️
But I promise I will complete what I’ve started, soon.
You captured a good place in my heart.. like a light in the darkest night for the moon.
Its 23rd May…
Remember how I fought with you for knowing about this day😸
Never knew .. this is how I would greet you,
My heart really wanted you to stay⚓️
Finally you told me… and That was not only me but my heart listened too…🖤
I wish all the best to you for your upcoming life… God bless you⚓️
Well, this is the very first time I’m writing something for you mother.
I’m sorry but your love was extraordinarily beautiful,
perhaps I’ve never realised, It’s only you, No other! 🙂
And, you know your daughter more than her, indeed.
You know this too, love is the thing she only need.😅
But if I know what love is, it is because of you.
No other person can teach me,
As life is still beautiful, toughest lesson I’ve ever got to know about,
you taught me this too. 😀
You are emotional yet the rock, tired but keeps going on
and worried but full of hope. 👍
No other person can teach me, this is life!
You have to take a stand for yourself and how to cope. 🤩
Mom, to the world you are a mother.
But to your family you are world.😁
I’m really very sorry for the things
You’ve already asked me not to do.
And I did, for I wanted to. 😶
You’re the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write.😇
As you are the greatest blessing of my life,
Who’s trying hard and making me understand,
That dear, ❤️
This is life , hurdles are part of it
I will help you in your fight.🤝
I just wanted to tell you,
that perhaps I don’t know how to tell you that I love you too.🤤
Believe me, the most beautiful thing I keep inside my heart is ..
Love from every daughter, to every mother in this wide world. 😊
Happy mother’s day. ❤️
Drunken by the moonlight …….
She heard faint whispers …
In between the forest leaves…..
But she abandoned her fear…..
And was lead by her dreams:)🚬
He only shared a picture of yours—Which took my breath away. And when I got to know, that from now onwards, you gonna be part of his journey—I really wanted that if everyone leaves him, you choose to stay.
Because I knew it, he won’t be able to keep you. He won’t be able to give time. Only if he cared about you, was not enough—You’ve gone hand to hand…for the better one to understand.
And then again he brought you back; as you’ve got attached to him in no time—He’s a man who cannot see things disturbed, which are attached to his heart…Possibly it could be one of his weird thought—as if he’s committing a crime.
With all of a sudden, he asked me…Do you want him? Just think about it again—For you already captured a good place in my heart— how could I even rethink about keeping you; his question might have been escaped without even entering my brain.
And then; that day came…when I got a new friend. You!I was starring that man, who handed good moments and happiness to me—As if it was his responsibility; Or as if it was due.
I named you. I tried to gave a good place to you.For happiness came along all my way—I cared more than myself about you.
Tho Im not at all good at ignorance. The shitty talks—the taunts or every shit which disturbs deep down and breaks my heart bad. For you were a gift to me; So far…a good one; from reality I ever had.
You taught me a lesson of ignorance—you taught me how to ignore. For some time, I was able to do that. Wondering. Really? Was it me…like how could I even bare this in me and how could I even store.
Days passed by—I was happy … I was sad. Tho, your love was all I needed, But they were breaking my heart bad.
I tried to explain, I tried to make them understand.That I can keep you. I can take a good care of you. Please let me live the way I wanted to.
They say you aren’t my need. But you’re my want.As if you were far from sunset —But too close to dawn.
They tried to kill you. They asked me to leave. For I never wanted to gave you, back to him—I stepped out of my place. I chose a path which might not be a good one but which satisfied me.
He’s my good friend; He, who handed you to me. I shared a lot of things with him—Fortunately or unfortunately he, a good man, listens to me.
He knew what was going on. He was aware of every shit I was suffering from. For the time, I thought he is with me—He’ll make me strong.
It was getting worst day by day. They weren’t listening to me—They were breaking my heart bad; And never wanted you to stay.
He asked me to do one good thing—Which I never wanted to do. I listened to him and did whatsoever he asked me, Without thinking about what it really is, or whether gonna kill my heart too.
All of above, sudden changes took place. He acted like he never know me—My heart knows… those circumstances; I faced.
I tried to speak to him. I tried to explain. Tears flowing all over my face—A broken voice of my soul left me all alone. As if a fight was going on————
He asked me to gave you, back to him. And he knew it, I never wanted this. After all you were his… before mine. All I’ve got to do was hug you and being kissed.
The moment I was handing you, back to him— all with sorrow. Was the moment my heart shouted loud, ‘The depth of your love today is the depth of your wound tomorrow’…. 😊🚬
… #MissYouLove :)🚬
Breathless, I ran and ran, unable to look back. My lungs burning, my chest pounding. I dodged myself behind self created wall…😶
I had been through harder things in my life, and yet I doubt if I had ever felt so dejected before.🙂
I started life with a perfectly glowing aura but then lose colour and fade.
Once my aura was whiter than lilies with specks of yellow and pink but with the passage of time,
Now it is a pale brown.
Don’t you miss your original colours?
Question to myself remains unanswered…
😄🚬 as its not about missing those colours.
But its about how could I even lose them?😶
They says, I was cleaner than fresh spring water. It felt like a tasteless joke, but when I forced myself to laugh, the sound didn’t pass through my throat, and I ended up suppressing a sob✊🏻🚬…..
The past is a whirlpool. If you let it dominate your present moment, it will suck you in,
But how can we live this very moment if all those obstacles never let you live as if a sinner committing a sin!🔥
But then its okay…
somehow, it reminds me that my heart is pure and that I bear God within me.
I don’t care. Where the road will take me. Instead will concentrate on the first step,
That’s only what I’m responsible for.
Once I’ll take that step, I’ll let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. As I don’t wanna go with the flow.
I want to be the flow..😇🚬
I never wanted to find eyes of you,
Holding a memory of my body.
Rather would love to be part of your sight,
That reveal its less what the eyes sees and more what the soul feels…
Its the soul, No body😊
For the beauty of what I am on the outside,
For the beauty what you see.
Will some day fade away,
and eventually it’ll force me to think, really? Was it me? 😀
If you’re going to say these words to me,
Then I want voice of you…speak to my soul,
That you really have taken time to dig deeply into who I am on the inside,
and tell me …who could love me less and love my soul more. 😇🚬